PART TWO AND THREE
Ho ho and so forth. Got some more replies. I'm not altogether sure which I prefer - possibly Nestle's massive indifference at using the term 'Three-fingered Kit-kat'. Or Rizla's general and most respectful affability.
Subject: Kit-Kats and My TummyI very much like your Kit-Kats. I consume many. But sometimes I'm too full on 4-stick Kit-Kats yet find that 2-stick ones are unsatisfying. Imagine my surprise to discover that in a local Polish shop they had 3-STICK Kit-Kats. Any 3-stick plans for the UK?
Yours,
and their reply:
How many coins does it take to buy chocolate here? Thanks to inflation you're looking at the best part of a 50p piece on each expenditure. Particularly if you're purchasing from a vending machine. This is not good enough.Dear Dr M H [obviously.]
Thank you for your recent enquiry via email regarding Kit Kat. May we first apologise for the delay in our reply.
The answer to your question is that we do produce a Special edition three-finger KitKat but it is produced for the Middle East to match a denomination of the local currency, making the product a convenient, one-coin purchase. There are no future plans to introduce a 3 fingered Kit Kat in this country.
Kind Regards,
Consumer Services
Nestle UK Ltd
And, here's what I posed to Rizla:
Subject: Colossal FagsAnd their wonderful response:
Hola, Rizla.
Man, you guys are cool. Sorry to be getting up in the party on your urgent email address, but, you know, I might get hit by a bus or something.
Now then, I smoke my rollies always with your papers and filters and everything. Shame you don't much make tobacco really, isn't it? (That isn't my question.) No, what I want to know is:
Would you feasibly consider constructing me a book of skins whose measurements are closer to 100cm x 30cm? I'm thoroughly fed up of having a smashing great smoke and then having to stop and put my cigarette out. I want a metre-long smoke that'll cost me a bomb to fill and might indeed look like a rocket launcher, but it would take a WHOLE DAY to smoke.
What do you think?
Best kisses,
Matt H
Hey there Matt,Oh I will.
What a mighty long smoke that would be!
Unfortunately, we wouldn't be unable to make such a packet for you.
It would be interesting to see you try and light it though!
Keep Rollin+
Rizla
What's most brilliant is their accidental double-negative... we wouldn't be unable.
Profoundly this was a success.
2 comment(s):
Ha! That's really quite beautiful, although the Rizla fellow's insistence of signing off with a plus sign leaves me strangely queasy.
On the topic of ill-numbered pieces of chocolate, incidentally, I saw a woman on the tube earlier open a Kinder Bueno and only eat two pieces, before putting the others back in her bag. It wasn't like it was her stop or anything. What kind of human can leave one segment of Bueno in one of those individually wrapped bags?
I am. They are horrible and according to te advert they talk to you on trains.
There is a way of making a very long cigarette with Rizzy's - email me a tenner and I'll tell you.
Post a Comment